unCommon Cold

For those of you who have gotten to know me only in the last 2 years, let me tell you that I don't have a permanent nasal tone to my speech. I have been suffering from a cold for last 2 years. I am not kidding...this is true!. Some might contest that I always had a nasal tone and it has only been amplified in the last 2 years. I tend to ignore them and so should you.

I am still not sure when this cold originated. Researchers are still trying to experiment on me and my blood, urine, spit,and semen to find the exact birth date of this strain of uncommon cold. Some sources, mostly me, date it back to Nov 2006. Back then, like any other normal cold, I chose to ignore it, but it only got worse. Sometime in Dec 2006, I had to miss 2 days of work and stay home. My cold was characterized by really loud sneezing and running nose. A few preventive, over the counter, medicines cured this symptomatically. I celebrated this quick fix by driving to the Cold Sierra Nevada mountains during X-Mas and drinking crazy in Arizona over the New Year. Both these activities ensured a cold reception of 2007.

Blaming my cheap Plan B medical coverage at work, I chose not to go to a doctor. But this cold persisted well into Feb 2007. By this time I had tried at least 4 out of the 1000 different cold remedies made is US. When I finally visited India in Feb 2007, I decided to visit a doctor as it costed me only $1 to visit her and 50 cents to get prescription medicine. Screw you Plan B!!. The doctor told me that I might have a deviated septum and I should start doing Pranayanama. Convinced that this doctor was some kind of a charlatan, I chose to ignore her yogic suggestion.

However, the cold persisted and so did the sneezing. I learnt to live with about 25 sneezes a day. On days when this number would shoot up, I would get worried. But the cold had its highs and lows, and after missing another day of work in summer of 2007, I decided to terminate my friendship with this cold and visit a doctor in US. I got an expensive prescription drug and some nasal sprays. Despite burning a big hole in my wallet, the cure seemed symptomatic. A few days later the cold was back. Since then, I have tried the remaining 996 cold remedies in the country, but to no avail. Every time I break up with cold, a few days later we make up. And we make up with even louder sneezes. Sometimes, I fear sneezing in confined spaces with glass windows, lest I break them all. On a daily basis, I use the word 'excuse me' more than 'hello' and I hear the word 'bless you' more than 'hi'. Hey, I might be sick, but at least I am blessed!

Recently when I complained about this cold to a friend of mine, she asked me to visit an acupunturist. She even suggested a good doctor in Wisconsin, but I live 1500 miles away from Madison, and I am afraid of needles, so that idea never saw the daylight. One of my relatives suggested I try Ayurvedic medicine. I hope to implement this suggestion when I visit India in a few days time.

My friends tell me that I must be allergic. Since most of my affliction with cold has coincided with my stay at Houston, I boldly declare that I am allergic to the City of Houston, and allergic in more than one ways! But the malaise probably runs deeper. I am guessing this is some rare strain which is yet to be discovered by Scientists. And if that is so, I soon imagine scientists all over the world clamoring for a drop of my precious blood sample to conduct their research. I hope to happily sneeze away to riches by charging them exorbitantly for my blood sample. I can already envision using dollar bills to wipe my running nose instead of Kleenex. Hachooooo......excuse me!