* No matter how early you leave your home for the airport, you will always be late. You will always be the last to board the flight.
* Since you board last, all the overhead spaces would be taken, and you would have no option but to tuck your hand baggage under your seat, thus reducing your legroom.
* The air hostess in your flight will never be attractive. You have heard stories of airhostesses being models and really good looking....but thats a myth. They are 40+ ladies with loads of cosmetic and bottox injections. They are rude and cold !!!
* You will never have any luck with your co-passengers. If you are relieved that your sitting at the aisle seat, then you will be blessed with copassengers possessing over active bladders thus making you get up periodically. The cute girl will never sit next to you. In the unlikely case that a really cute girl sits next to you, she would be accompanied by her boyfriend. The only people sitting next to you would be 75 year olds who cant stop bragging about their involvement in Vietnam war, or 3 year old kids who will keep pulling at every piece of your attire and luggage.
* Incase you have a window seat, the seat would be over the wing, thus blocking a view of the beautiful landscape down below.
* The flight entertainment system will always show movies which you have seen 10 times or movies which you never want to see. When you decide to read the book that you have on hand, the kid (old man) next to you would torment you.
* Just as when you are catching up on some really good sleep, you would be rudely woken up by the air hostess to feed you a small packet of pretzels and a shot of orange juice. Your attempts to go to sleep are made further difficult by your co-passengers insistence to use the cabin reading lights.
* When your bladder is full, your path to the restroom will be blocked by the airhostess who are taxing food carts. When you finally make it to the lavatory, there will be 5 people ahead of you. When your turn does arrive, the aircraft would experience turbulence and the the steward would advise you to take a seat.
* Your flight will always be late, whereas your connecting flights will always be on time. This would mean that you would miss the connection and be stranded for 4 hours in a noisy airport. Due to the upset in the flight schedule you would be forced to have overpriced but yucky dinner at the airport.
* And if any of the above things don't happen to you......then either your bags wont reach the destination alongwith you or you must be flying in your private aircraft.
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12 comments:
Funny you should say that. My trip to chennai somehow circumscribed all or atleast most of your obervations in the two trips. Its all Murphy's doing. This man, rather corpse, with due reverence to his current state of affairs, wont rest peacefully feeding his maggots, content that he spent a full life bringing cynicism into beatific lives. No sireee. He has to make sure, that his potent laws cruelly hold for posterity.
Philanthropist, that I am , I have to divulge that my journey also included the following
* The plane ,only my plane (and ofcourse the others' who were sitting in the same aeromotive...keeping it straight) , had to run around in circles waiting for take off clearance...yesh a good 1 hour that too.
* There was no cute girl onboard...next to me or otherwise [sob]
* We had a monosyllabic, tantrum-ing 2 year old very eager to test the full power of his developing vocal cords , right in my left ear.
* There was an oldish firang sitting on the other side of the aisle busily sketching in her pad. I dont have anything against her artisitic interests, only, I wish she hadnt keept looking at me every 10 seconds, suspiciously,as if she was drawing inspiration from me for the caricature...sheesh.
I hope this makes you feel better. Point to be noted Chitragupta. My good deed for the day done.Whew.
:) Great post, I am sure all of us have been thru some if not all of those travails (of course this post of urs coupled with another one I remember seems to indicate you have had the absolute worst of the flyin experiences)
Sorry, domestic flights in US suck. Thankfully, that aint the situation for many asian airlines...
ps: I have actually met cute guys on flights... and then I stopped believing in Murphy's for some time ;)
Southwest takes the cake in this case. Both the times I took southwest there was this crossdressed (transgendered?) host(ess?). I don't have anything against crossdressed/transgendered people, but I prefer if I can guess the sex of the steward(ess?) right away. It was surreal and really confusing. I mean (s)he had the goods "up there", probably silicone (yes, I had to look), but had thick, hairy hands bigger than my face and a 7'o clock shadow despite the 5 blade Gillete fusion (s)/he might have used that morning. Had the voice of Hulk Hogan, but was wearing a skirt and jewellery. And before you ask, I did NOT look for a bulge "down there". That would be disgusting!
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Ok, I did. I think it would suffice to say that it didn't help much.
@Brat...seems like you had a real rough ride..but I was only exaggerating in my post...my ride has never been that bad...
@PS...I am surprised to c that memories from an airtravel could bring back such rush of nostalgia...u r kidding rght ?
@Rohan...My experiences are only a subset of these, infact mine has never been really bad...
@Casa....I have met a cute girl (I am talking about nice and friendly ones, not the snobbish ones who clog their ears with ipods and refuse to talk) only once..but unfortunately the flight was only 1 hour long :((
@Anarkist..I remember Pinky telling me abt this..man that would have freaked me out !!
You are a bitch
That was just for the effect. Shabaash yaar pointy..i had a good laugh after quite some time..And, baad you said you will not crack PJs...or did you get this as a forward and you shamelessly posted on your blog...out with the truth!! :)
the phenomenon is called Murphy's law. Just had a lot of those happening on my flight last weekend.
What the ...
I have always had interesting things happen to me on every flight!! Like this one time the United plane got hijacked and stuff ... and this other time the pilot & engineer turned out to be be two cute chicks who actually took me to the cockpit and tried teaching me to fly the damn thing ... Let me not even start talking about the time the engines blew up and we had to put on chute gear ...
*ducks*
You are spot on when you talk about cute chicks. But I don't mind looking at the wing through the window. Infact I prefer to look at the ailerons, the way they cause the upward rise of the flight. That's something I never get tired of.
@Totti...thanks, dey don't call this PJ man....u have distinguish between PJ and humor..I had been to a comedy club yesterday for a live taping of 3 stand-us....amazing dude...
@M...Damn Murphy !!! But why do we have to follow his law ?
@Sudhir...did u dream them all in one night..or is it a collection ?
@Jinguchakka....u engineering geek ...
Pointy it all started when god changed your fate books since you decided to mug for JEE... or prolly 10th grade when you decided upon engineering!!!
But you see, talking to person next seat always help in flights.. I have met many many interesting ppl over my flight journeys... palm readers... Sushi oweners at NYC... Profs... NRI's(Sad f@#ks!!)... witing on the queues for restrooms. => opportunities to look aorund for nice cuties... so on and on...
So learn to make the best outta it...
Me looking forward to my london trip on memorial day:) flying with a frind though so no surprises on my seat nighbor:(
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